To Know A Sanzo
by vez
Summary: How much do we really know about the untouchable Sanzo sama? Find out what goes through his mind when he is left to his own devices..


                                                To Know A Sanzo

                                                By: vez

_"..However, someone who takes other's life, at the same time must be prepared for his own life to be taken too…that's the consequence."_

            Genjo Sanzo believed this philosophy firmly. Murderers can be good or evil, it matters not to him. As long as they are prepared to die and face the consequences of their actions, they could do anything they wished. 

            Being a Sanzo, he was one of the highest-ranking priests around. He was supposed to be a being of purity. Unfortunately, in his own eyes, he was nothing but a murderer. A murderer with the Evil Sutra on his shoulders but a murderer nonetheless. It didn't stop there. The Gods gave him a mission: to go to the West and stop Gyumao's revival. He was forced to take along 3 other companions. He made them killers too. 

It had been a year since the journey to the West had begun. Sanzo refused to think how many youkai the four of them had killed. He had too much blood on his hands but Sanzo refused to let anyone see how much the killings had affected him. As he told one youkai bluntly, "I could always wash the blood on my hands off."

What he didn't let on was the fact that, it didn't matter if he could wash the blood off. As long as he had the Evil Sutra on his shoulders, his hands would always be stained with blood. Every single moment, Sanzo was prepared to kill and be killed. Fortunately, he was stubborn and was determined to live – at least until the mission was completed. After that, who knows?

The only reason why he chose the Smith and Wesson so long ago was not for protection but because it was small enough to shoot himself in the head. Life without Komyou Sanzo was no life at all. The only reason he hadn't killed himself was because he wanted to avenge his master's death and to retrieve the Holy Sutra – what Sanzo thought to be his master's most prized possession. Sanzo would probably hit anyone with his harisen who dared suggest that perhaps Komyou Sanzo's most prized possession was not a possession at all but a young disciple named Kouryu. 

_"Never love anything. Given enough time, they will all be taken away from you." _

Ever since the death of his master, there was not enough space in Sanzo's heart and head for love. Sanzo had chose from that moment on to care for himself and his interests only. That was why he chose to isolate himself from everyone else. He became a cold monk who refused to let himself _feel_. He built walls upon walls reinforced with steel around his heart. 

_"If you don't love anyone, be prepared not to be loved at all."_

It was in Sanzo's opinion, a small price to pay for protecting himself. However, Sanzo was not prepared for the intervention of the Gods. Sanzo was fine with living the rest of his life alone if not for this annoying voice that keeps on calling to him. He tried, by Gods, he tried to ignore the voice but finally he gave in. It was then he became Son Goku's keeper. Sanzo finally realised that he could not deny the _saru_ anything. Goku followed Sanzo everywhere and wanted to tell Sanzo everything that he experienced in the day. Sanzo had long decided to tolerate the monkey, no matter how annoying he was. The only thing he could do was whack him with his harisen, after all. That action most often then not alleviated his headache.

What about his other two travelling companions? One was a gambling ero kappa who had a very traumatic childhood. Gojyo acted like a 3 year old most of the time, especially with the damn monkey. Put the two of them together at any time and one would immediately get a migraine. 

In fact, the only one who doesn't seem to get affected by the two idiots' fighting and Sanzo's  threats would probably be the most normal of the lot. Of course, between the four of them, normal doesn't really mean anything. Hakkai always smiled and made sure they didn't try to kill each other. Hakkai was the quiet one but it was always the quiet ones that hide the deepest pain. Sanzo knew what damage Hakkai was capable of. Sanzo always tried to keep a distance but Hakkai was always there. Somewhere along the way, he had become used to Hakkai's presence. He trusted the green-eyed youkai to watch his back and more importantly to be his rock. The priest had wondered where this dependence on Hakkai had emerged. The last thing Sanzo wanted was to need somebody or depend on someone. Probably because deep down, he was so sure that someone would disappoint him. 

He shouldn't be attached to them.  In the end, those three idiots who followed him will in one way or another cause him some form of grief. Even if they managed to stop the Gyumao's resurrection, he wasn't even sure if they would survive it. 

Sanzo wasn't sure if that was his cynical side talking or his realistic side. Maybe they're one and the same. The truth was he would one day die. He had killed so many. It made sense that his own lifeline would he shortened too. What goes around comes around or some philosophical nonsense that sounds like that. Would they miss him, if he died? He was human, they were not. He was, how do you say it, more _fragile_ than the other three. Damn it! This wasn't like him – to dwell on the subject of death so much. Especially of his own death.

Ch. This was annoying. Sanzo decided that soul searching should only be done at one's deathbed, not on a normal sunny day like this. He had enough brooding and dark thoughts to last him for a very long time. Well, probably until the next rainy day. As the all-important Genjo Sanzo, he had crucial matters to attend to. For example, discipline had to be meted out to the saru and the kappa.  If he couldn't find them, it wouldn't hurt to spend some quality time with Hakkai. They had to plan for tomorrow's travel route. 

Oh yes, he was prepared to die but for now, Sanzo decided that he should act human ……and enjoy his life. Of course, he would rather die than admit _that_

Author's note: If you liked it, please review it. I always thought Sanzo was an incredibly complex character. It was difficult trying to get in his mind and figure out how he thinks. But it was great writing about him and his personal philosophy.


End file.
